SIEZE THE DAY/ I FAILED TERRORISM 101

The military, for whatever reason, makes everybody and their Mom take an anti-terrorism course before they move out of the country. In theory, it's a good idea. In time-wasting-practice, it sucked.

You know, except for this super cool certificate they gave me. Perhaps I should frame it?

I enjoy they put "A T." It makes it sound more mysterious. 

*****This isn't to say that terrorism isn't a big deal or a terrible thing. People are affected by it each day. It goes beyond the U.S. to engulf thousands of people all over the world. *****

What the military does is boil it down to a sad attempt to make you more vigilant and strike fear into your heart. What I took away from this course is that I get a house on Base and never, ever leave. 

If you think about it though, staying home is probably just as bad for you. 

A lot of it just seemed incredibly over protective, and when I got a questions wrong I was confused because I thought I had answered with common sense. 

Oh, so THIS is how we walk down the stairs! My bad! 

Here's just a small taste (and these weren't even the most ridiculous ones): Did you know you should avoid staying on the 3rd and 5th floor, etc,. of a hotel? Floors with pools or gyms on them? Anything with an adjoining door? Alright, so I don't feel totally comfortable with rooms with adjoining doors, but we talking about terrorist, not serial killers here. They aren't going to pop up in your bathroom. 

Next you should not use showers without locks on them. 

Also, avoid largely populated places, especially known places Americans congregate. How many places does that get rid of? Clearly I should never have attended school in a different country, or gone to the bar after class for a few drinks. Forget the Louvre, tours, and meet up groups. The Hash House Harriers, my drinking running club, would absolutely be out. 

The army sides with Fred. Let's split up, gang! 

And don't forget all protestors. Even if they are hippies. If you see one at a train stop you planned on getting off at, get back on the train and go to the next stop. Walking past them could prove dangerous. 

That friendly looking clown is actually a zombie unicorn robot loaded with C4. 

I can't help but scuff about this because some of the most fun I had when I lived in Hamburg, Germany was not on the list of to-dos. I couchsurfed (If you aren't familiar with this, it's a great way to travel. You stay in people's homes for FREE! And they would show you around. If I stayed several nights or had a great host, I'd often make/buy them dinner).

Besides, after hearing about how scary hotels can be, I'd rather stay in a house anyway. 

I hitchhiked, stayed in hostels, explored every nook of cities, and went for runs when I deemed it safe- it was an amazing adventure. 

I was going to put a GIF from Hostel here but looking at them freaked me out and make me want to throw up. Enjoy this scary skull from the back of my friend's motorcycle helmet.

Here's the thing people- if a terrorist wants to get you, he's not going to hide under your bed. He'll blow up the whole building. It's not likely he's not looking for you specifically.

Unless someone I've pissed off comes to get me, and does it ironically. 

The only point of the war on terrorism is so we can live without fear. Giving a  half thought out online "course" about random events isn't helpful. 

Yes, it's good to be vigilant, and yes we should be aware, especially in a foreign country. But don't waste my time telling me to lock my door and then waste paper on a certificate for it. 

We shouldn't go to new places thinking of threats. We should go in search of opportunity. 

"..And the human race is filled with passion!...Poetry, beauty, romance, love!
These are what we stay alive for!

RUNNING AWAY FROM RUNNING

Yesterday I sat in the hotel room watching a 1000lb+ person in bed  on TV and feeling just as large and immobile. Even though I worked out I felt lazy and gross because I didn't run.

Running used to be my happy place, and my solace. I looked forward to it every day. During marathon training when I did those 16-22 milers it was tough but I was always happy once I got going.

For some reason I just can't get up the motivation anymore. 3 miles feels like freaking forever. When I used to do 10 a few times a week no problem, it makes me feel like a pansy.

The thing I like about running is the ability to constantly improve and see the progress. With Personal Records, there are things to conquer. And conquering is something I like to do. I'm a competitive person and in my brain I compete in almost everything. When I run on a well traversed path I call it "Lions and Gazelles" and consider everyone in front of me prey, counting the people I pass and silently laughing evily inside as I go by.

Weird? Yes. Nice? Probably not. Whatever. It's motivating! What happens when I get passed on the path you say? Well that doesn't happen often. Because that's what it's like to be AWESOME. BWHAHAHAHAHA.

This is me. At work. In a snuggy. Now there is no reason to doubt my awesomeness. 

Anyway, Lions And Gazelles doesn't do it for me anymore. Especially since, do to lack of practice, I've become slower and being someone else's Gazelle doesn't appeal to me.

I need a new activity. The problem is that when you're almost 29 years old, it's hard to pick up a new sport. It's not like I can join a soccer or LaCross team. Imagine all the swearing directed at me. I can barely walk without falling on my face and now there's a ball I'm supposed to hit with my feet?! Even if I wanted to play soccer, that would take decades of practice that frankly I don't have.  It'd end up like 2nd grade when my parents enrolled me in AYSO soccer and I sat as Goalie or defense picking flowers/getting hit in the face with the ball.

Because at 7 I didn't know swear words yet. 

Unlike running, sports like soccer and lacrosse take a team to help you get better, and it's harder to see improvement. There's not really "milestones."

Right now I do Crossfit, which has PRs and you can see a lot of improvment- but while I'm interested in getting strong I'm not interested in getting bulky. Also, it's not a competitive sport, it's a tool that helps me run and swim faster, and not suck at the bike so much. I find it enjoyable, but it's not the end all be all and the Crossfit Games are never something I'll do.

Recently, drinking by our fire pit at 3am with a friend of hubbys, it was suggested that I try rock climbing. The great thing about the military so far is the free gym, and now the free climbing wall. I already have a harness from my first and last mountain climbing expedition, strong legs are key, and it's something I can work to get better at on my own or with a friend.

I'm going to head to the climbing wall this friday and check it out. Maybe this will be the answer to my problem- not to mention with all the climbing around El Paso it'll give me something fun to do, and a way to make friends outside the military (which is something I always look for).

The second thing I'm looking into is Muah Thai which is essentially kickboxing. I once dated a boxer and those work outs are TOUGH. The only problem I foresee is that I once did Karate and I didn't do so well. I tend to be very passive aggressive and it takes a lot, or alcohol, to get me going. Also fighting is not something I'm good at.

Sadly I'm not even kidding. Although I'm not afraid to bite. 

Senior year of high school this girl wanted me to leave a party because I was talking to her ex-boyfriend (even though my boyfriend was at the party too). She threatened me and said to leave but I'm a stubborn pain int he ass and I didn't. She made good on her threat and punched me. We were split apart immediately but if nobody had grabbed her I would have ran away. Also, I'm a pansy, and I cried (later, out of sight- I have a little bit of dignity).

Getting punched and kicked doesn't seem fun- but punching and kicking of course does. It's something to try and who knows, it may come in handy one day. After all, I'd rather get a punch in the face than be involved in a hair pulling cat fight.

If anybody else as any ideas, feel free to add!

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY KIDNAPPER- UNCLE SAM

Now that I've calmed down about being sent to El Paso- and have seen some of the good things about the place - I can write a blog without sounding too ranty.

The absolute worst part about the move and about the military is total lack of control. You don't really know it, but once you get married you're escorted into a limo with a runaway cab driver who won't listen and has his own agenda.

Ok, so I knew before signing up I was going to Fort Rucker- but I was pretty much still in LA LA land. I had gotten into a van with a dude who promised to take me to Candy Mountain and I slowly learned that was not so. 

Alright so I'm starting to feel like something is up. What actually happened was I wanted to have a quick "I Do" sign some papers, etc so we could get started on our life together and then plan a big howdy do a year later. Nope. Here's why:

1) Need to get wedding insurance in case of deployment.

2) Can't get wedding insurance without leave papers

3) Can't get leave papers until getting a unit in March

4) Will find out when we get the unit in March if he will deployed.

5) Can't get leave papers if getting deployed.

6) Can't getting wedding insurance

7) No wedding. Good luck you all! 

Well frack. 

At this point I realize something is definitely weird. After a year of jumping through various hoops we put in our top 3 destinations, which as I learned don't matter. You just sit, waiting, having no real idea where or when. 

Alright so the bend over jokes are crude, but it shows that you are talking to someone without logic who just doesn't care what you have to say. It's like being driven around and handcuffed by a psychotic teen. 

At some point I realized that the military isn't actually listening to me. It can be sort of nice and provide you with organizations to help you out- like the Family Readiness Program, schools, etc- as compensation for the lack of control and you and your spouse get (and in some cases those who actually put their life on the line for the country, which is actually less people then you'd expect. People forget that you can be in the army and work at a desk or in a warehouse- which I'm not saying isn't important it's just different.) 

Some people are cool with the lack of control and going with the eb and flow easily. 

While I love new places, exploring, and making new friends, the inability to go and do things where and when I want will always be hard. 

I'll make the best of El Paso and who knows maybe I'll even love it- but for now I wish my voice would count.