WLC DAY 14- LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL HAPPINESS

Today I was talking to my friend about my 30th birthday this June, and she was surprised to find out I would still be in Seattle and not back with Hubs in NC yet. My reasoning for this was that I don't want to turn 30 with only him and our cat. Sure, I've made a few friends out there, but compared to the party I'll have in Seattle a NC bash would have a depressing turn out. In the last ten years, I've moved so much often I'm in a new place on my birthday, and I rarely get to celebrate with people who I've known more than a month. This year, I'm ready for something less... intimate.

At the core, my decision to stay in Seattle, while based on a party, really has nothing to do with a birthday and everything to do with happiness.

Hubs and I have been in a relationship for almost four years, and during that time I have learned this: Loving someone can change your life, it can fill you up and make you a better person- but you cannot be happy on love alone.

It's not all on Hubs to provide me with ultimate happiness either, it would be impossible and it's simply not his job to. He is an addition to my happiness, making my life better exponentially simply by being who he is and supporting me. Together we can travel, be active, take classes. He can laugh as I spend too much money at sephora, go to breweries with me, and all of the things. He can be a perfect, loving husband that makes me feel safe and wonderful, but he himself cannot fulfill me.

This is where things like my career come in. Staying busy, feeling accomplished, and the stuff money provides like trips, adventures, fitness, being on a sports team and all of that. These are things he can support me with, but not give me, and unfortunately these are not things that are possible in certain places we have lived...and thus why I moved to Seattle during his deployment, and stayed when he got back early.

The response I get to that is you make your own happiness. My place is with my husband because otherwise what's the point of being married. I could have any sort of shit job to make money, volunteer to feel accomplished, get a hobby to feel creative, and the ever popular have kids.

There's nothing much else I can say to that, except that it's hard to understand if you're not a career person. I don't mean you have a career instead of a job, or that you enjoy your work. I mean you LOVE your career and it defines who you are. My greatest struggle since leaving Chicago has not been loving hubs or even his deployment. It was figuring out what my new identity would be if I was not to be a creative, a MadMen if you will, any longer.

Over a year ago I started studying to be a personal trainer. It's something I enjoy, something I'm good at, but I haven't finished yet because of one thing: At my heart, I'm still a MadMen, and I continually search for ways to stay on that path. Being a personal trainer would be fun, but it lacks luster and edge. Most of all it lacks all the struggle, drama and heartache you go through to create, and the straight up euphoria when it comes to life.

But love conquers all, right? And a job is just a job. As a co-worker once said, we're selling shoes, not saving lives.

Of course, he's right. It's just advertising, and he punches in at 9 and out at 5 every day. He doesn't drive home thinking about headlines or spend his showers wondering up ideas. For him, it's an on-off switch. There's a lot of people like him who have zero passion for what they do, and if you aren't passionate about something, well it's pretty easy to forget about it and move on. If you are, it's going to be like cutting off your arm very slowly.

While I love Hubs more than anything, I guess in some ways I don't love him more than I love me. There's certain things he can only trump so far. And, he's not any different. Flying helicopters for the military is his dream, and when we were dating he made it clear that he would go after that with or without me. I don't believe that makes us selfish people, and I don't think that means he's not the one for me or we're a terrible married couple. It means the opposite. Quite frankly, we are a power couple.

Over four years we have thrived, loving each other more each day. Nothing can tear us apart. Thousands of miles, months in separate states, even war has not put a dent in our relationship. We know what we want and are never idle, constantly working towards new goals. We know each other better than any two people should. Each moment together is precious, and each phone call is the highlight of the day (even though I call him three, if not more times).  I am the absolute neediest of wives, and he is the most patient of husbands. I love our cat, he pretends to hate our cat but secretly cuddles with it. I make sausage on a fork, he mades seafood chowder from scratch. My complete and total insanity somehow compliments his complete and total insanity.

So, I'm going to stay in Seattle for a few more months. I'm going to work my butt off, hike, climb, taste beer, hang out, watch epic mountain sunsets, and have a blast. I'm going to miss Hubs every moment, but I'm a tough kid and we'll be together again soon. For now, there are places to go, things to do, bad ass shit to conquer-- and I challenge all naysayers to give our lives a try and see how they come out on the other end. It's not the most ideal life, but it works, and not for any other reason but because when you love someone, you make it work.  You compliment each other.  Above all, you make that extra effort to exponentially increase their happiness.

That's what makes a marriage, not the lack of miles between you or the days you spend apart.

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WHOLE LIFE CHALLENGE THREE THINGS I'm GRATEFUL FOR
1) For the phone. For talking to Hubs on my way to work, during lunch, and before bed.
2) For my flannel comforter from my mother in law. It is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me in the morning. I am so damn lucky.
3) For bread. God I want bread so bad. I also hate God for making bread bad for you. It should have the nutritional value of a carrot.

MY JOB EXPLAINED: MAD MEN VS REALITY PART 1

A lot of people don't understand what advertising people do.What they do understand is the show MadMen, which is how I usually explain my job.

But nobody really wants to know about my work. They want to know if the alcohol, sex, and craziness are all true. Fortunately, and unfortunately, it is.

DRINKING AT WORK

 TV:

This is what I get asked them most. In almost every episode everybody is drinking whiskey or beer during all hours of the work day.

REALITY:

100% true. At one agency I worked at, 3pm was beer 30. At another it was usually around 4. Whiskey and hard liquor were reserved for later in the night. And there is ALWAYS free beer. I loved one particular agency because we always had a cooler of really nice micro brews. At another they filled the fridge every Wednesday with Coors, High Life and Miller. My current agency has a keg going at all times.  If it was a late evening, we might go through a half a bottle of whiskey. There was one night my partner and I went out and bought bottles of wine and just drank straight out of those. We might sound like alcoholics, and we probably are, but at least we're functioning.

DO YOU THINK PANDA'S LOVE: PHILOSOPHICAL CONVERSATIONS

 TV:

Roger and Don have a lot of drunken, philosophical conversations. Their's usually revolve around work and women and it doesn't get more out of hand than that.

REALITY

Our philosophical conversations are a lot like what you think a teen age boy pot head would talk about. They are often random and get disgusting fast. Two of my Art Directors and I had a reoccurring one where we discussed our plan for the end of the world. We had a boat and the three of us had jobs. The guy would captain our boat and grows the weed and farms food on a secret island which we will use to barter. I'm heartless and would take care of the killing. The second girl on the boat would get pregnant over and over and her "magic power" would be a constant supply of breast milk, which since we clearly wouldn't have a fridge we would keep in a bag nestled within an old alligator head in the water to keep it cool.  Because pregnant people have out of control hormones we'd keep her in a cage at the top of the boat, with a stripper pole because we hear that's great exercise.

ACCOUNT VS CREATIVE

 TV:

Everybody on the show hates the account dudes, especially Pete Campbell. Why? Because they deal with clients who, most of the time drive creatives insane. Pete's job is to make the client happy, which pisses off everybody else on a regular basis.

REALITY

We fight alllll the god damn time. We might like each other out of work, but at work is a different story. Account people think Creatives are babies, we're drunks, complain about everything, don't care about what the clients wants and just what we want and are hard to deal with. Creatives think Account people are just working for the client, they don't care about the work or creativity, are uptight pains in the asses and zero fun. I've been in places where I've hated the account people, but I've been at places where I have loved the shit out of them and it's been amazing. But there're ALWAYS fights. 

Ex 1: A head account guy didn't like the creatives wearing snuggies. Especially to meetings. They were no longer allowed on the "meeting/account" floor so the head creative director told everyone to wear their snuggies to every single meeting possible.

Ex 2: A Creative Director and Account Guy got into a fight. The Creative Director told the account guy work would not commence until he left the floor and never returned. He never returned. 

Ex 3: An account person asked for a creative director to increase the logo by 10%. The CD yelled at her to get out of 1985. 

Ex 4: A head account guy flipped out on a creative team because they were completely off strategy. A notoriously drunk art director tried to clear the mood with a snarky comment and told the account man "John your suit looks nice today"  and he responded "No it doesn't. It's a shitty fucking suit. It doesn't even fit right" and left. 

Ex 5: I once told an account person I don't care about "the target audience" and to "fuck their face"

Nobody has every gotten fired because of any of this. 

THE SUITS

TV:

Ok, it's the era where everyone wears suits. Even the Creatives look nice in their fully buttoned up flannels and slicked back hair!

REALITY

The above photo is of me, at work in the lobby, in my snuggy. I wore this every where. We are not a very groomed crowd. At least the creatives aren't because we don't usually deal with clients. I've known Creatives who keep nice shirts folded in a drawer just in case a client comes in. At an agency I interned at we once got an email that said "even if you are at the office for 2-3 days straight you NEED to bring a change of clothes and at least shower."

Also I have a dollar pinned up by my desk from when I was sleeping on the subway in the morning, curled up on a seat wearing a ragged hoodie hungover. Someone thought I was homeless and put a dollar in my lap.

SLEEP? I'LL DO THAT WHEN I'M DEAD

 TV:

There's constantly tired creatives at the office. Peggy and her partner are always there late at night, being either bribed or yelled at by Don to get it done because that's their job.

REALITY:

100% true. At one point I realized I had worked almost 100 hours in one week. Weeks like that are insane and rare, but working till 2-4am isn't unrealistic. Neither is sleeping at the office. At one agency my partner and I made bunk beds out of my desk. At 5pm we'd turn off the lights and nap for an hour. He slept on the top of the desk and I slept underneath, George Costanza style with pillows stolen from various couches. 

MY JOB EXPLAINED: MAD MEN VS REALITY PART 2

THREE MARTINI LUNCH

TV:

It seems like every episode the execs head to lunch to talk business but mostly to drink. This is my favorite three martini lunch, where Roger through up after consuming a lot of booze and a lot of oysters. I'm pretty sure this is something that would happen to me. 

REALITY:

Oh wait. That has happened to me. Only it was muscles and whiskey instead of oysters and martinis. That said, three martini lunches and drinking lunches don't happen all that much anymore, although it depends on where you work. At a small agency I worked at if it wasn't crazy we'd go out for 1-2 beer lunches maybe once a week. If it was the germany place it was more like 2-4 beers if you actually count the size of the glass. I've heard of people going out more regularly but the truth is we're so slammed during the day it's hard to get away to eat lunch anywhere besides your own desk. Not to mention it's difficult to drink at lunch and then stop. At least for me, I go into nap mode and it's difficult to get any work done. I suppose this is why people smoke a lot more pot in advertising than drink. 

THE DRUGS

 TV:

We didn't start seeing drugs till the later episodes, but that was more a sign of the times. Especially Roger and his acid trips. But hey, it looks fun right?

REALITY:

I would say 8 out of 10 people smokes weed. A lot of weed. And because of the wonders of technology and e-cigarettes, you can now smoke weed in the office.  Not to mention the coke. It depends on the agency, the client you have and the hours you work, but there's a lot of it going around. I have never, and will never do coke, but I can understand why Creatives do it. Besides that it's apparently fun, we work in a high pressure industry. The demand to constantly come up with creative ideas, each one better than the next, on top of a lot of hours is stressful. It's not an excuse, but probably no worse than all those authors who are drunks.

To show you how extensive it is, at an office party at a bar one creative proceeded to buy coke using a credit card, and did a line off the bar. At the last minute he realized this was bad because EVERYBODY was there, and had an "oh shit" moment. The following week he came in to work and kept his head down. Our boss came by, touched his nose, and asked if he had a good time, then walked away.

OH THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT

 TV:

I don't really have to go into this, I'll just leave you with this quote from Roger that I got from "ROGER STERLING'S 25 MOST SEXIST QUOTES" - When God closes a door, he opens a dress.

REALITY

If there were cameras and video recorders half of every office would be arrested. Except at my agency in Alabama, because southerners are polite. There aren't that many women creatives, and even though it'll anger ladies to hear about it, we don't think of it as harassment. It's normal, and even laughable. One of my bosses used to say "I only hit on the women I know won't act on it." But that didn't stop him from coming up to me when I wore my warrior princess boots and say "oh the things those boots make me want to do."

THE PARTIES

 TV:

In this episode they get super drunk at an office party, ride the lawnmower from the John Deere client, and chop of someone's foot. Throughout the office parties on the show, they tend to get super wasted, go home with each other, have sex in office rooms, etc.

REALITY:

While I've never seen anybody lose a limb, the rest is true. We know how to throw a party. Whether big agency or  small, things tend to get out of hand. My two favorites are the Crispin Porter Holiday Party, which is a MASSIVE and all out costume party. They have brought in major bands and singers, and the year I was there it was 80s themed and hey transformed the entire agency. Young MC played and there was a room made of candy.

 My favorite party though has been, hands down, the Leo Burnett Breakfast, which takes place the first week of December.

"The Breakfast" as it's called was started by Leo Burnett himself. He used to gather everybody in  a room, and give a speech. In later years extra police as well as Macy's workers staffed the streets around the agency. The police because of thousands of out of control drunkness, and the Macy's staff because the bonuses were so big, the wives would meet their husbands in the lobby, take the cash, and go shopping. The bonus's don't happen any more, but in the hey day of advertising I've heard of people buying boats with it. 

Here's what happened last year: The night before my bosses put a bar in the elevator "The Up Down Lounge. Lifting Spirits Since ____" Some people have a drink on their way out of work or going to another floor, others stay in there, drink and socialize till it's over. If you've never gotten drunk in an elevator I suggest you try it. 

At 730am the next day my group shows up dressed to the nines- this is crazy considering most of us don't show up to work until 10-11am for work. We drink a lot of whiskey/cocktails and take a swig of green liquid out of a big golden fish. That year, at 10 we smuggled bottles of champagne into the Chicago Theater where our bosses put on a 2 hour original musical for us tat most of us didn't pay attention and got in trouble for continually popping champagne bottles. Next we went to a bar and drank more. At 1230 the entire agency filed into The House Of Blues where we ate and drank as much as we could from the open bar. On the dance floor masks and feathered hats fell from the sky as live bands played and we danced for hours, drinking more liquor and if you were me and my account person, getting threatened to be kicked out for dancing on the stage. At the after party, my boss put a 1000$ bounty on a man's pants. After drinking for 15 hours I had no problem storming into the men's bathroom and demanding the pants. He gave them up. They were rainbow sequined overalls. I put them up and danced around a stripped pole in front of my boss to prove I had them. Then I found out it was the CEO's pants I'd stolen. I did receive $1000 check the next week. Oh, and most everybody went home with somebody. Like Vegas, what happens at the Breakfast, stays at the Breakfast and spouses/significant others are not allowed. In any other industry many of us would have been fired. 

FOOD STALKERS

Maybe it was just the sign of the times, but people just don't seem hungry in MadMen. Maybe it's because d student loans didn't exist to completely desolate your finances, but for whatever the reason no one seems to scavenge. 

When a client comes to town, catering comes. The entire day, we walk by slowly, sniffing at the air to see. Are their sandwiches inside? A jackpot of burritos? Or the worst. A fruit plate and coffee. WHO THE HELL EATS FRUIT ANYWAY. I have survived days by eating nothing but leftovers from client meetings. 

At Leo Burnet they have the most awesome thing ever, which takes all the fun out of stalking but turns every day into something like Black Friday at Best Buy. It's called the Food Alert Network. When there is leftover food, someone posts it to the facebook page. And then you have to get there first. There are 35 floors in that building, and elevators that only go from 21-35 and 0-21. It can get ugly when two starving 23 year olds, surviving on nothing but ramen, both go in for the last sandwich from Hannah's Bretzel.