WLC DAY 14- LOVE DOES NOT EQUAL HAPPINESS

Today I was talking to my friend about my 30th birthday this June, and she was surprised to find out I would still be in Seattle and not back with Hubs in NC yet. My reasoning for this was that I don't want to turn 30 with only him and our cat. Sure, I've made a few friends out there, but compared to the party I'll have in Seattle a NC bash would have a depressing turn out. In the last ten years, I've moved so much often I'm in a new place on my birthday, and I rarely get to celebrate with people who I've known more than a month. This year, I'm ready for something less... intimate.

At the core, my decision to stay in Seattle, while based on a party, really has nothing to do with a birthday and everything to do with happiness.

Hubs and I have been in a relationship for almost four years, and during that time I have learned this: Loving someone can change your life, it can fill you up and make you a better person- but you cannot be happy on love alone.

It's not all on Hubs to provide me with ultimate happiness either, it would be impossible and it's simply not his job to. He is an addition to my happiness, making my life better exponentially simply by being who he is and supporting me. Together we can travel, be active, take classes. He can laugh as I spend too much money at sephora, go to breweries with me, and all of the things. He can be a perfect, loving husband that makes me feel safe and wonderful, but he himself cannot fulfill me.

This is where things like my career come in. Staying busy, feeling accomplished, and the stuff money provides like trips, adventures, fitness, being on a sports team and all of that. These are things he can support me with, but not give me, and unfortunately these are not things that are possible in certain places we have lived...and thus why I moved to Seattle during his deployment, and stayed when he got back early.

The response I get to that is you make your own happiness. My place is with my husband because otherwise what's the point of being married. I could have any sort of shit job to make money, volunteer to feel accomplished, get a hobby to feel creative, and the ever popular have kids.

There's nothing much else I can say to that, except that it's hard to understand if you're not a career person. I don't mean you have a career instead of a job, or that you enjoy your work. I mean you LOVE your career and it defines who you are. My greatest struggle since leaving Chicago has not been loving hubs or even his deployment. It was figuring out what my new identity would be if I was not to be a creative, a MadMen if you will, any longer.

Over a year ago I started studying to be a personal trainer. It's something I enjoy, something I'm good at, but I haven't finished yet because of one thing: At my heart, I'm still a MadMen, and I continually search for ways to stay on that path. Being a personal trainer would be fun, but it lacks luster and edge. Most of all it lacks all the struggle, drama and heartache you go through to create, and the straight up euphoria when it comes to life.

But love conquers all, right? And a job is just a job. As a co-worker once said, we're selling shoes, not saving lives.

Of course, he's right. It's just advertising, and he punches in at 9 and out at 5 every day. He doesn't drive home thinking about headlines or spend his showers wondering up ideas. For him, it's an on-off switch. There's a lot of people like him who have zero passion for what they do, and if you aren't passionate about something, well it's pretty easy to forget about it and move on. If you are, it's going to be like cutting off your arm very slowly.

While I love Hubs more than anything, I guess in some ways I don't love him more than I love me. There's certain things he can only trump so far. And, he's not any different. Flying helicopters for the military is his dream, and when we were dating he made it clear that he would go after that with or without me. I don't believe that makes us selfish people, and I don't think that means he's not the one for me or we're a terrible married couple. It means the opposite. Quite frankly, we are a power couple.

Over four years we have thrived, loving each other more each day. Nothing can tear us apart. Thousands of miles, months in separate states, even war has not put a dent in our relationship. We know what we want and are never idle, constantly working towards new goals. We know each other better than any two people should. Each moment together is precious, and each phone call is the highlight of the day (even though I call him three, if not more times).  I am the absolute neediest of wives, and he is the most patient of husbands. I love our cat, he pretends to hate our cat but secretly cuddles with it. I make sausage on a fork, he mades seafood chowder from scratch. My complete and total insanity somehow compliments his complete and total insanity.

So, I'm going to stay in Seattle for a few more months. I'm going to work my butt off, hike, climb, taste beer, hang out, watch epic mountain sunsets, and have a blast. I'm going to miss Hubs every moment, but I'm a tough kid and we'll be together again soon. For now, there are places to go, things to do, bad ass shit to conquer-- and I challenge all naysayers to give our lives a try and see how they come out on the other end. It's not the most ideal life, but it works, and not for any other reason but because when you love someone, you make it work.  You compliment each other.  Above all, you make that extra effort to exponentially increase their happiness.

That's what makes a marriage, not the lack of miles between you or the days you spend apart.

-------------------------

WHOLE LIFE CHALLENGE THREE THINGS I'm GRATEFUL FOR
1) For the phone. For talking to Hubs on my way to work, during lunch, and before bed.
2) For my flannel comforter from my mother in law. It is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me in the morning. I am so damn lucky.
3) For bread. God I want bread so bad. I also hate God for making bread bad for you. It should have the nutritional value of a carrot.

DAY 1 WHOLE LIFE CHALLENGE

I'm starting this up again because I've decided to do the Whole Life Challenge- an 8 week, online game-ified program that's supposed to help you change some of your bad habits into good ones. For me, back to working out 6 days a week, being active and less lazy, cooking again, stretching daily, and drinking less.

Some things I care a lot about more than others. For one, I want to get back into shape. When husband deployed, we had spent a month just being lazy, together, eating and drinking whatever he wanted. Then I quite literally drove across the country, from one coast to the other, visiting friends, drinking beer, hiking and eating whatever. And, with him being gone, and me back in a place with some old friends, well, going out to eat and drink became and excuse to take my mind off of being alone.

It's not that I got fat, or even got 'chubby,' but I'm certainly not happy with myself. And, living in the great state of Washington, I feel like I'm missing out. Boozing is fun, but there's so much to do here I'll just be kicking myself when I leave again. This year, my new years resolve is two parts. 1- For the next 6 months I'm here, do something interesting and new every weekend. Outdoors if possible. 2- When I move somewhere new, do the same. It doesn't have to be crazy, but it has to be done.

Then there's the cooking thing. Hubs is always making fun of me because I am constantly eating sausage on a fork. Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like. I know how to cook, I'm just lazy. We have a chef at work who makes us lunch everyday, it's relatively healthy, and nearly free, so there's nothing really forcing me to get off my butt to make dinner. Not even left overs. It sounds stupid but when we move back in together, I'd like to be better at making dinner for him. He loves cooking, but I know he doesn't want to do it every night, and that he's not going to be thrilled when it's tacos or stir fry, or.. sausage on a fork.

Lastly, I feel like I am in very sad shape. I'm not as fast a runner anymore because I haven't been working out. Quite frankly, my ego is getting in the way. I was doing so well in marathons and especially triathlons, I don't want to do it again and suck. I'm not sure if I'll get over that, but I have to at least get back in the gym and on the trail.

Also, there's rugby. Rugby saved me from myself. When I got to North Carolina, I was full of anger and hate over the loss of Germany. But the Rugby team found me. They gave me friends, something to do, and places to go.  Most importantly, they gave me something to work towards. When I left NC for the west coast, the first thing I did was contact the rugby team. I found a new set of friends, a great new roommate, and touch rugby with a bunch of dudes who range from "How are you still walking, let alone springing and kicking my ass- old," ex USA team members, college kids, and a plethora younger (super sexy) guys, all who are willing to give me pointers, help me get better, and are, if I'm honest, a pleasure bumping into over and over again. Girls if you are single and straight, this is place to be. Oh yeah, and some girls show up too, ha! Long story short on that, I want to be a kick ass rugby player, and that involves me getting faster and stronger.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting my life-ducks in a row. Since I left Seattle the first time, my life has been nothing short of insanity. From 80 hour weeks in Chicago, to moving to Alabama and driving three hours to work, almost moving to Germany, moving to North Carolina, unemployment, re-employment, unemployment, re-employment, and then deployment and moving to WA- well it's enough to throw any girls life-ducks out of alignment.

So here's to getting back on track, and making sure I can fit into my wedding dress for Wedding 2.0 this October!

This weekend's adventure: Snowshoeing SkyLine Lake Trail. Not great views because it was cloudy but the trees were beautiful and it was awesome bouncing around in all the snow.

Brooch Bouquets: The biggest, most worth it pain in the butt

Since I posted my gorge wedding photo thanks to Endless Expressions Photography By Beth I've gotten a lot of compliments and people who were interested in making it.

The brooch bouquet, in theory, was a fantastic idea. We were having a sort of last-minute wedding with only 11 people while we waiting for the right time to have a big bash. I was really sad I wouldn't get to have all my friends and family there, so I asked everybody to send me a brooch so I would remember them on my big day. And it looked easy (which it was) but also crazy time consuming.

Things you need:
Glue gun
A crap ton of brooches (I picked up a kit off etsy)
Styrofoam Ball
Spray Paint (Metallic of any color)
Wooden Dowel (Bouquet holder)
Ribbon
Tule
Extra pins

Things I also got:
I went to Michael's and went wild in the Bridal section with all things pearls.
A "3d" ribbon of vitage flowers
Ivory fabric for the flowers
Pearl topped pins
Glitzy buttons

1) You need a theme or it'll look like a mess. Pick a color scheme, or the beach, etc. I chose vintage flowers and pearls to match my dress, jewelry, and hair.

2) I spent several hours in front of the TV making "vintage flowers" of different size.
This is how I did it - after I glued it I attached them with pearl-topped pins to a piece of Styrofoam
Here's another way if you're boring and don't like fire. 

3) During the days that was going, I took a big ball of Styrofoam I got at Michael's, and used metallic silver spray paint. I went over it 3 times.

4) I took my wooden dowel I got at michael's, stuck it into the ball as hard as I could, then determined the proper length for holding it. Because I have a husband with a lot of tools, I asked him to saw off the excess. Then I put a ton of glue in the hole, and stuck in the wood (that's what she said).

5) After the wood dried for about 10 min, I pinned down the flowers along one side.

6) Whoever sent me the brooches on etsy took off the backs because she said it would make it easier, all I had to do was got a set of pins and glue it to the back of the brooch and then stick it into the ball. This proved time wasting and frustrating, so I just picked out a brooch, fitted it in the area, and glued the whole thing down. Sometimes I had to unglue it and move it around, but that was rare and it didn't muck anything up too much.

7) As I glued, I worked in the brooches from my family and friends. Most of the time I tried to put them over the "brooch base" of the brooches I got from etsy, but sometimes they were pretty big so I gave them a space of their own.


8) I wrapped light blue ribbon around the stick twice, gluing it as I went. Once that dried, I wrapped the  feeling, "3d" flower ribbon around it.

9) In the wedding section at Michael's I got long strings of pearls and attached them to the base, so that when I held the bouquet it looked like a pearly waterfall.

10) The tule I bought ended up coming in many round sheets, so I bunched them up and used the pearl pins to put them in place by the base and over the start of the "pearly waterfall." Then I glued the sparkly buttons going down the stick on top of the ribbon.

11) Lastly, I took pearl pins, and pinned down pearl embellishments all over. Then, I filled in any holes the brooches left with the pearl pins.

It took a lot of hours, and one awesome Man of Honor to help get it done. But Phew, we got there and despite it all I was so happy with the result, and I can't wait to use it in our big wedding!

Pretty Photos of the bouquet and the photo of myself and patient hubs done by Endless Expressions by Beth Photography. Call her up if you're ever in Pensacola!