Tuesday, January 21, 2014

MY SAD ATTEMPT AT WOOD BURNING

Since moving down to Fort Rucker, I've learned two days is my limit on entertaining myself. I can go to the gym, go for runs, try rock climbing, clean, watch TV, etc- but then I'm bored. Unfortunately when everyone you know is working there are limits on what you can do when you live in the middle of no-where.

When this happens I become a needy pain in the ass to Dear Hubby. I'm sure many an Army Wife has experienced this. If this continued I would have children or, more likely, buy myself a menagerie to just give myself something to do.

To curb the needy-ness, Hubs has encouraged every crazed craft idea I've come home with, and occasionally brings me handy time consuming gifts. Once he brought home a top of the line sewing machine I have promised myself I won't ever become domesticated enough to try.

What did intrigue was a wood burning kit. A couple on our honeymoon to Curaçao gave us a beautiful wooden heart ornament. I was just going to write "CURÇAO 2013" on it with marker, but this seemed more elegant.

I believe he got this at his Mecca, Lowes.
It came with several different "tips" for different effects. They get HOT and they will burn you so this isn't something to do with small kids running around. It's probably best to handcuff them to the television or let a stranger borrow them while you do this. 


I looked up a few things on google images and this looked AWESOME! Look at all the crazy dope masterful things I can make! I can take Hubby's pieces of scrap wood and become a milliontrilliongazillionaire! I WILL RULE ETSY. 



I tried a few of them out, making different shapes, dots, and curves. I found out I sucked pretty hard. 



My next attempt was to freehand CURAÇAO for the ornament. I did a pretty crap job. Maybe I can get a blind person to give me a few pennies for this stuff, but I think they will know better. 


After practicing a little bit more I drew a hummingbird, and went over it with the only tip I had figured out how to use: the calligraphy tip

. I had planned to put a bird on the ornament, and after this attempt I didn't feel so crappy. I bet I could even convince  a choice 4 year old to buy this off of me for a few quarters (Not my cousin Christie though, she's a fashionista and would whittle me down to a nickel)


After taking a break due to some hand cramps, I went back to it, this time taking some time to draw out the word in pencil first. I tried to freehand a little dazzle on the end and it turns out to be a bit of a tragedy but I'm starting to have faith this might not turn out so bad. 

Getting a hang of the curvy lines, and figuring out when to turn my body or the wood took a lot of time. I also learned that the crappier and less smooth the wood, the more difficult it is to navigate the pen. 

I can always lie and say a small island child burned it for us. 

I think maybe next I'm going to get some cheap wooden spoons, then slowly and methodically destroy them in the name of art. 





SIEZE THE DAY/ I FAILED TERRORISM 101

The military, for whatever reason, makes everybody and their Mom take an anti-terrorism course before they move out of the country. In theory, it's a good idea. In time-wasting-practice, it sucked.

You know, except for this super cool certificate they gave me. Perhaps I should frame it?
I enjoy they put "A T." It makes it sound more mysterious. 

*****This isn't to say that terrorism isn't a big deal or a terrible thing. People are affected by it each day. It goes beyond the U.S. to engulf thousands of people all over the world. *****

What the military does is boil it down to a sad attempt to make you more vigilant and strike fear into your heart. What I took away from this course is that I get a house on Base and never, ever leave. 

If you think about it though, staying home is probably just as bad for you. 

A lot of it just seemed incredibly over protective, and when I got a questions wrong I was confused because I thought I had answered with common sense. 

Oh, so THIS is how we walk down the stairs! My bad! 

Here's just a small taste (and these weren't even the most ridiculous ones): Did you know you should avoid staying on the 3rd and 5th floor, etc,. of a hotel? Floors with pools or gyms on them? Anything with an adjoining door? Alright, so I don't feel totally comfortable with rooms with adjoining doors, but we talking about terrorist, not serial killers here. They aren't going to pop up in your bathroom. 

Next you should not use showers without locks on them. 

Also, avoid largely populated places, especially known places Americans congregate. How many places does that get rid of? Clearly I should never have attended school in a different country, or gone to the bar after class for a few drinks. Forget the Louvre, tours, and meet up groups. The Hash House Harriers, my drinking running club, would absolutely be out. 

The army sides with Fred. Let's split up, gang! 

And don't forget all protestors. Even if they are hippies. If you see one at a train stop you planned on getting off at, get back on the train and go to the next stop. Walking past them could prove dangerous. 


That friendly looking clown is actually a zombie unicorn robot loaded with C4. 
I can't help but scuff about this because some of the most fun I had when I lived in Hamburg, Germany was not on the list of to-dos. I couchsurfed (If you aren't familiar with this, it's a great way to travel. You stay in people's homes for FREE! And they would show you around. If I stayed several nights or had a great host, I'd often make/buy them dinner).

Besides, after hearing about how scary hotels can be, I'd rather stay in a house anyway. 

I hitchhiked, stayed in hostels, explored every nook of cities, and went for runs when I deemed it safe- it was an amazing adventure. 

I was going to put a GIF from Hostel here but looking at them freaked me out and make me want to throw up. Enjoy this scary skull from the back of my friend's motorcycle helmet.
Here's the thing people- if a terrorist wants to get you, he's not going to hide under your bed. He'll blow up the whole building. It's not likely he's not looking for you specifically.

Unless someone I've pissed off comes to get me, and does it ironically. 
The only point of the war on terrorism is so we can live without fear. Giving a  half thought out online "course" about random events isn't helpful. 

Yes, it's good to be vigilant, and yes we should be aware, especially in a foreign country. But don't waste my time telling me to lock my door and then waste paper on a certificate for it. 

We shouldn't go to new places thinking of threats. We should go in search of opportunity. 


"..And the human race is filled with passion!...Poetry, beauty, romance, love!
These are what we stay alive for!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

THERE'S NO EXPIRATION DATE ON HURT FEELINGS

Hold on guys, this is a long one, but sometimes you just need to get it all out so you can dream about the endless german beers in your future.

Ahem.

Feelings are like nuclear chemicals. They might have a half-life, however the stronger and more potent they are, the longer they last.

It works that way for both positive and negative feelings. For instance, I very much loved and respected my Grandma Genie. It’s been nearly 20 years since she’s died and yet I still feel very strongly.

Just as I loved my Grandma, I hated Joe. He made fun of me every chance he got in Junior High, and he was malicious. Though I rarely saw him in  high school, I avoided him at all costs. 8 or 9 years ago my mom woke me up at 6am to tell me he’d been killed in Iraq. I sat up in bed, firmly told her GOOD, and went back to sleep. As my dreams took over I breathed a sigh of relief and very seriously hoped the death was a long painful one. The time passed, and I've thought about that moment and wondered if I was sorry. So far I haven't been. I do think I was perhaps a little harsh. Death is a permanent thing after all and I'm sure his mom probably loved him, but I would be lying if I didn’t still wish a helluva lot of pain on him.

The closer you are with someone, the more potent feelings can become. Whether it’s a small act of kindness or betrayal, it becomes bigger.

In my parent’s house a lot of feelings were swept under the rug. If something happened nobody talked about it. Nobody apologized.  When that happens, things fester. Sweeping feelings or events under the rug and moving on doesn’t rid someone of them.

The floor is clean, but under the rug it’s a dirty, disgusting mess.

It’s hard to come clean sometimes. It’s hard to acknowledge the dirt on the ground and take responsibility for what’s there. Since I started dating my husband, we’ve had the best relationship out of the absolute refusal to ignore dirt on the ground. Sometimes it’s tough because I’m the one admitting wrongness or being an ass, and I mean it's really hard. It sucks owning up to shit- but it’s good too because it passes. 

Last year an incident happened that made me very upset with a few close friends. I tried to live by my “talk it out” motto I adapted with hubby but I kept feeling guilty and unable to. Even though my feelings were evident, nobody spoke about them. Unfortunately this is the type of stuff that keeps me from falling asleep at night. It makes me angry, and not the pleasant person I feel I generally am. After awhile I grew the balls I knew I had and confronted them, only to be shut down. It happened months ago after all, and therefore was no longer considered relevant. In fact, it was annoying I even brought it up. Apparently hurt feelings have an expiration date. 

What do you do then? Do you just give up and let it go? "Move passed?" I suppose.

Unfortunately nothing is actually solved by doing that. It becomes difficult to be in the same room with somebody and know that there are roaches crawling around in the dirt under a rug without getting the heebie jeebies. Eventually the roaches will all die, everything will decompose as things do, but in the mean time it just sits there slowly rotting away. Now that's a fun image. An even more fun feeling. Personally, I'd like to be filled with sunshine and rainbow farts.

With the move to Germany coming up, it would have been easy to leave the country and forget about everything and lose our friendships. It was tough to confront them about the roaches, but having talked about it, we were able to sweep every piece of dirt and disgusting bug away. There was almost an instant feeling of relief.

Though we often  say “forgive and let live” I think we really mean “I don’t want to deal with it.” 
I don’t know about anybody else, but my new years resolution this year hasn’t been about losing weight or bettering my outside. It’s been about bettering my insides (I've got a crap ton of work to do and I'll be the first to admit it). 

While I've been better at owning up to my husband, this year I'm going to work on admitting when I'm wrong, not letting things fester, and being a lot more vocal when my own feelings are hurt. Probably a bigger task then I'm ready to take on, but baby steps people. Baby steps. 

LEARNING GERMAN IS WEIRD

So it's 2am and I've been working on my portfolio and I thought I'd take a break and have some fun.

Since we're moving to Deutschland, I've been learning German. I pick up language pretty fast, but that doesn't mean it's not confusing.

When I first lived in Germany my Germany room mate told me a story. He said when he was learning English he went to NYC. They went out to dinner, and he ordered a steak. I don't know what he said in German, but what he said in English was 'I would like to become a steak."

I had a similar experience out there. I remember coming home and being very excited because I had ordered a turkey sandwich in German and Lo and Behold! I got it!

When I repeated what I had said to my room mate he laughed and laughed.

Apparently I said "I have the breasts of a turkey." Which would explain a lot.

Here's a few things I'm learning.

Meine Familie hat hunger

Direct Translation: My family has hunger

Actual Translation: My family is hungry


Sehen sie es?

Direct translation: See they it?

Actual Translation: Do they see it?



Es geht uns gut

Direction Translation: It go us good

Direct Translation 2: It goes good with us

Actual Translation: We are fine



Ich verstehe nur Bahnof

Direct Translation: I understand only train station

Actual Translation: It's as clear as mud to me.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

WHAT GRINDS MY GEARS

I'm a little uhhhhhh about posting this because I feel like a lot of wives are going to disagree and I'm going to get yelled at. But I also think I'm right. So there. If I'm wrong, well thought out arguments are welcome.

Lately I've been reading a lot of posts on the Army Wife 101 FB page concerning getting "chaptered out" - Military for getting discharged from the military before your time- for not meeting health/weight requirements. Out of curiosity I read hundreds of comments, and found the attitudes of the wives were extremely disturbing. It didn't matter if it was their husband or someone else's- what was happening was terrible and horribly wrong.

In lieu of sounding like an asshole:

BOO HOO.

What partially bothers me are the wives who say that they're husband's are "suddenly" getting booted,  or are upset that this type of thing is happening at all. One wife is half way through their stay in Germany, and her husband was given until mid march to get back into shape. When I saw this post it was the beginning of January, and they had already given up and decided to get chaptered. That was quite the slap in the face. It's an amazing opportunity to live in another country, and also too expensive for the military to just send someone for half the time.

Here's what really happens when you don't make weight:

You get in trouble.
You get a counseling session.
You are given an end date of which you need to be in shape by which is MONTHS later.
In between there are more counseling sessions, check ins, and mandatory physical training.
Doctor visits and prescriptions are pretty much free. If it's medical, there isn't a problem sorting it out.

So to say this is all so sudden and happening too fast to fix is crap.

The other reason this whole thing boggles my mind is that, when you sign up for the military, you sign up knowing that being in shape is part of your job. Just like when I took a job in advertising, I knew even as I got promoted I would continually work insane hours, I would constantly have to perform well under stress, and that if I sucked I wouldn't be employed. As a member of the military to let yourself get out of shape, and to be surprised when you are threatened to be kicked it, is to live in denial.

I can say all this because I've experienced this first hand.

A lot of the wives complain that their husband is "just husky" and it's easy for them to not pass weight. This is true because the doctors take a look at your height on a chart and match it up with whatever weight you should be at. My husband is one of those guys.  When he entered the army, he was at first deemed over weight- ludicrous because his waist was only slightly bigger than mine, he just had a lot of muscle.

What they do next is something called taping. They find out how much body fat you actually have, and finding out he was under 10% body fat, he passed with flying colors and moved on. The moral of the story: even if you don't make weight, nobody is kicked out if their BMI is under 25 (25-29.9 is overweight, 30+ is obese).

After Hub's original test he started flight school. They wake up at ungodly hours of the morning, come home after a 12 hour day, and study more. There were days we barely spoke because he was so busy. The only thing he did besides study and sleep, were the minutes he spoke to me. He didn't worry about working out or eating healthy, just doing well in school. The consequences for his, and many of the guy's actions, were losing muscle, gaining weight, and failing a PT test.

When it happened I was livid. I called my mom and cried. For most of you this seems kind of stupid, but for us, it was a big deal.

For him, if he failed again he was booted from the army. He had mandatory PT in the morning and had to work out on his own at night. During this time, he was out of class and it set him back starting to learn his aircraft.

For me, it was complete betrayal.  I was already having a hard time not just quitting Leo Burnett to be an Army Wife, and giving up my entire career I had worked so hard for. And I worked hard- because in advertising it's not just a job. It's your culture, family, friends, and your life.

While I was working to excel at every aspect of my job in Chicago, he was giving part of his a back seat. I though, why should I give up my dream job for someone who had their dream job and wasn't doing all he could to be the best? It was perhaps a little over dramatic, especially since I know he studied very hard, but I was upset none-the-less.

In the end it only took him three weeks to pass the test. They didn't "just" threaten to kick him out. They gave him 6 months to get into gear, mandatory morning physical fitness, and afternoons off to insure him time to work out a second time on his own. During all this he chucked the beer in the house, and used his free time to go grocery shopping and cook healthy meals.

They gave him, just as they give everybody in the military, and opportunity to fail or succeed. Like any job, task, or dream you have, it all depends on just how bad you want it. And if you don't want it, then see-ya - but please leave quietly and don't complain about the system.

Although I'm not really a patriot, I do support the people of the military. They sacrifice a lot to protect us, but they also are given a lot of amenities most people don't have- free health care, housing, pensions- and there is no reason they should not be held to the same standards at their job that I am at mine.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Make Your Own Jewelry Box

Since moving to Fort Rucker, Hubby has gotten into anything that gets and keeps him in the garage. He might have done it to originally get away from the cat, and continued to do it to get away from me. BUT HAHA I HAVE TRICKED HIM! Instead I started making him help me with projects. 

For xmas I decided to it would be more fun and personal to make my hippie sister a jewelry box since she doesn't have one. 

I went to Michael's where they have already make wood boxes and other things like below. 

After I made hubs take off all the hardware, we decided to test the stains we plan on using for a dresser we've been working on forever that refuses to get done- cherry red and an ebony. 


First we taped the wood on top that we would later stain ebony and put down the cherry stain

Then we mixed a tint and a poly together in an empty sour cream cup
Applied the mixture on top of the stain with a sponge brush.
After it dried we removed and ret taped, then did the ebony.
Here's before and after tinting. 

I helped a little but most of the time I was "management" which was just as fun. 

You could also paint it as well. Painting would probably be faster because the process of sanding, staining, poly-ing the whole thing took over a week, where as you could do this all in one day with paint. 

We picked up some red sparkle felt with I thought a hippie would like but was sort of classy and would match with the cherry red and ebony. 

When all was said and done I wrote a little note on the inside with gold paint. 



Also from Michael's/Mecca, I picked up these flowers which, after practicing an arrangement, I used 3,000lb epoxy to glue them down. They ain't goin' no wheres. 

We realized later that we tinted the red too much and you couldn't tell much of a difference between that and the ebony... but now we know. 

When I called on Christmas she was so excited and really loved it- and it made me feel pretty great to make something with my hands, to to boss my husband around and have him enjoy it. 






Thursday, January 2, 2014

BEER IN REVIEW

This year we spend NYE at home because we just got back from our honeymoon. After spending all that cash and running around for 10 days it was time to relax- but I still wanted it to be fun/a LITTLE bit special since it's our first married new years and we still live in LA LA land. 

Anyway, I picked up 6 beers that reminded me of different things we did all year and we did a "Tasting" - they aren't the best of beers, but they were (sort of) tied to our year! He really enjoyed it as I revealed each new beer, and I think it's something we'll start doing every year and I'll get on it in advance rather than having the idea at the grocery store.



REDHOOK ESB- We started off the new year moving hubby from his home town in Seattle to Fort Rucker, where he'd be starting training to be a helicopter pilot. 

LANDSHARK LAGER- In springtime he proposed by reenacting our first day and taking me beer tasting. I couldn't find any of the beers we tried, but this is what we drank on the beach of our hotel after!

SUNSET WHEAT- Several months after the proposal, I moved down to Alabama from Chicago to get married. It was incredible difficult for me to leave Chicago, and though this isn't a Chicago beer it was close enough!

RED FARMHOUSE ALE- At our wedding in Pensacola, our friends brought us hubby's favorite area beer McGuire's Red. Since that wasn't available I grabbed this red. Felt like a bad decision because we drank it while playing the Planet Earth drinking game and I had to chug the whole thing. Blech. 

LONGBOARD ISLAND LAGER- We finished off the year on our honeymoon on the island of Curacao, where I over indulged in drinking Amstel Bright (tastes kind of like corona). Since that's pretty impossible to find, we celebrated with an "island" beer!

BECKS- Since we recently found out we'll be moving to Germany for three years this spring, this beer was about looking forward, rather than looking back. I have fond memories from living in Hamburg, Germany yelling to the bartender over the music DREI BECKS BITTE!!!! 


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Old Stormy Ginger Fizz

Since we still have some unused champagne and lots of mint leaves left over from last night, here's what we are drinking this NYD NOW! We didn't have a lot of the ingredients so this is how we substituted
.

WHAT GOES IN IT

1 Tsp Fresh shaved ginger (Substitute 1oz Ginger Ale)
1 lime quartered
5-7 mint leaves
1 oz simple syrup
1 1/2 oz light rum (we were out so we used Spiced)
Top off with Champagne

HOW TO MAKE IT:

Put everything in except for champagne and shake vigorously (you're supposed to muddle it, but we don't have a muddler) and top with champagne.

Left Over Champagne NY Day Beverage

After drinking bottles of Champagne, it's probably the last thing you want to drink this morning. BUT HAIR OF THE DOG MY PEOPLE! Quit your whining buck up and don't waste those un-drunk bottles of champagne. Instead, wake up, lay on the couch, and drink this-

CHAMPAGNE JULEP

WHAT GOES IN IT:
5-7 mint leaves
1/2 Oz simple syrup
1 1/2 - 2oz Bourbon
Champagne (Preferable dry)

HOW TO MAKE IT:
Muddle mint leaves in simple syrup
Add bourbon and fill glass with crushed ice.
Top with Champagne and stir

Me. My cat. TV. Booze. Perfect hair of the dog.