Wednesday, November 27, 2013


On Veterans day this year, a group of elementary school students drew cards and sent them to Joel as a thank you.

I knew they were coming, and honestly I didn't think I'd be so touched to see them.

While I complain about all the crappy things going on in America, I am proud of everything Joel does. When we get into arguments about how I'd rather move to Sweden, he reminds me that "I'm not fighting for the government or their policies. When I step out the door, it's to protect the people I love, and the people of this country who need me." - Even though I know part of that is to fly cool helicopters :)

It's really amazing to see stuff like this, because it grounds me and makes me remember why I'm here and stuck in Alabama. Even if I don't believe being a military wife is "the toughest job in the world" (because it is NOT a job, it's marriage and it's done for love), I do realize I'm needed to do what I do. Waking up with him at 4am to make him coffee, and to sit on the couch with him at night is important,  being there to love and support him is important, because it's what keeps him going and able to his job.

Thank you kiddies, for all the photos. A special letter and drawing is coming your way!

And thank you, Joel, because you're my hero too. (awwwww sapppppppy)


I've been struggling a lot with whether to decorate the house since I'm only here for a few short months. In the end I decided to just do it. Even though it feels like a time waster, it's nice to make it feel a little more like home.

When I lived in Seattle I had gathered all these music posters from various film shoots I'd been on, and when I got to Chicago I wanted each one to have a totally different black or white frame. Too bad there's no such frame size that exists for this stuff, and custom made would have been expensive.

In fact, frames in general were expensive. So I said EFF it and found another way.

Instead I went to Blick- an arts and crafts store down town Chicago, and picked up a bunch of clips. I clipped them to the poster, and the hung it on a small nail on the wall.

My wall in Chicago was really long so they were spread out and looked really nice.

One of my more recent additions- the Wolf Poster, was one of two posters from my last show in
Chicago- Murder by Death, Larry and his Flask, and The Blind Staggers. The second poster was
#15/100 in existence. I'm not a poster collector but I thought that was pretty sweet. 

And the best part was packing them, and putting them back up was the easiest thing ever. I just stacked them neatly and put them all in a picture box. Then, all I had to do was put a nail in the wall and hang it again- and you don't have to even try to make it straight because they just fall that way.

I put them all up in my "Reading Nook" - the room with the corner bar, big screen TV and a huge comfy chair.

Unfortunately I had some poor planning. Since being in Chicago I've gotten a lot more pieces- like the washboard I bought at an art show.

Bought at 4Miles 2Memphis Art Show, owned by Danielle of American Pickers,
my best friend and drummer of the band S.S. Web played in during their set.
And I still have 2 more albums to add. Everything looks really cluttered right now. The simple solve is to spread it out over two walls, but again, considering we're leaving in 3 months I think I'll leave it and just remember for the next house.

There's tons of other ways to do this, and I am looking at a few ways to do it with my wedding photos. I found this website and I have some plans for our new house in El Paso.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


I made a stand for the topper of my bachelorette cake. You can make a stand for anything, this happens to be for a penis. My mom said to get rid of it's because it's gross but she has no sense of humor. 

My friends threw me an awesome, Pin Up themed bachelorette party, with this amazing penis cake. 

They also made all the girls pin up hair pieces (mine was extra big and feathery), as well as gave everyone black eyeliner and red lipstick. It was amazing. 

Afterwards, I couldn't let all this awesome go to waste and I wanted to save it and put it in our bar room (called my Reading Nook). The problem, however, is how do you make a penis on a stick stand up and not look weird. BUT I MEAN LOOK AT HOW COOL IT IS. 


So I soldiered on and made a stand for it. Really you can make a stand for anything. Flowers, wine bottles, etc. Whatever you can glue to a stick and put in styrofoam. That said, get a styrofoam something. Mine is square. Then take spraypaint and coat the whole thing. I like shiney stuff so I used metalic silver.

Next, since I'm trying to match my Pin Up Penis, I went to michaels and got studded ribbon. There's no real fabric to it, it's just straight up bling which is nice since it's not real see through. Then I took hot glue and glued it down in rows and on top until the whole thing was covered. 

Once covered I took my hair piece and pinned it down using pearl topped pins, so it would look pretty still. I also used a pin to keep the veil swirled in place. 

And then, of course, the penis goes last!


For the past decade I feel like I've been waiting for life to start.

No matter what I've done, that feeling hasn't seemed to go away. 

Whether I've accomplished extraordinary things- Climbed a mountain, backpacked across Europe and slept on strangers couches, lived in Germany and 9 other cities, and jumped out of airplanes.

Or, what you might consider "normal" - Finished college, graduate school, had two "big girl jobs," got married and finished several marathons and triathlons. 

I feel stuck. I feel the same way I did ten years ago- like when I went to college I arrived into Never-Never Land and still haven't grown up. 

Perhaps it's all the moving and never settling down. In 10 years I've lived in 7 states, 10 cities, and 2 countries. And always I thought the next place was where life would start. There would be a new job, there would be a husband, there would be an opportunity- but it seems like I'm still waiting. 

It was always the next place. 

For the past 2.5 years I thought life would start when I got married and moved to Alabama, but this seems very much the same. Now the next "real life starting point" is El Paso- where I will finally get to set up and decorate the whole house, finish my personal training certification and start working at that, and settle down for a little bit. 

But some part tells me that three years in El Paso isn't going to make me feel adult, or like life has begun. I guess I'm still looking for something. 

I suppose Never-Never Land isn't a terrible place to be. It's fun, and free,. But it seems like there's an alligator waiting to bite off my hand somewhere. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013


This post is in response to a photo I posted on my personal facebook awhile ago of a giant confederate flag along a highway in Alabama. Some people were upset because it's a stereotype they didn't feel the need to push.

Beyond that, Alabama doesn't have the best rep. And while I do dislike Fort Rucker with 99% of my little black heart, the state itself isn't all bad.

While this won't likely be my favorite place I've ever lived, I'm glad I've gotten to experience it. And in case some of you have missed it, here are some positive photos I've taken!

These two photos were taken behind our house. 

 An impromptu picnic at Lake Tholloco on base

The pumpkin patch

We hiked to the highest point in alabama

                                            See that tiny lake above? There it is below. 

The sunsets here can be pretty gorgeous and the nights are better. It's always a sky full of stars. 

The towns tend to be older and always have interesting spots to look at. 

Birmingham is a really eclectic place. It has a lot of abandoned areas but it's slowly growing. I love to imagine what it used to be like in the 1920s. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


Now that I've calmed down about being sent to El Paso- and have seen some of the good things about the place - I can write a blog without sounding too ranty.

The absolute worst part about the move and about the military is total lack of control. You don't really know it, but once you get married you're escorted into a limo with a runaway cab driver who won't listen and has his own agenda.

Ok, so I knew before signing up I was going to Fort Rucker- but I was pretty much still in LA LA land. I had gotten into a van with a dude who promised to take me to Candy Mountain and I slowly learned that was not so. 

Alright so I'm starting to feel like something is up. What actually happened was I wanted to have a quick "I Do" sign some papers, etc so we could get started on our life together and then plan a big howdy do a year later. Nope. Here's why:

1) Need to get wedding insurance in case of deployment.
2) Can't get wedding insurance without leave papers
3) Can't get leave papers until getting a unit in March
4) Will find out when we get the unit in March if he will deployed.
5) Can't get leave papers if getting deployed.
6) Can't getting wedding insurance
7) No wedding. Good luck you all! 

Well frack. 

At this point I realize something is definitely weird. After a year of jumping through various hoops we put in our top 3 destinations, which as I learned don't matter. You just sit, waiting, having no real idea where or when. 

Alright so the bend over jokes are crude, but it shows that you are talking to someone without logic who just doesn't care what you have to say. It's like being driven around and handcuffed by a psychotic teen. 

At some point I realized that the military isn't actually listening to me. It can be sort of nice and provide you with organizations to help you out- like the Family Readiness Program, schools, etc- as compensation for the lack of control and you and your spouse get (and in some cases those who actually put their life on the line for the country, which is actually less people then you'd expect. People forget that you can be in the army and work at a desk or in a warehouse- which I'm not saying isn't important it's just different.) 

Some people are cool with the lack of control and going with the eb and flow easily. 

While I love new places, exploring, and making new friends, the inability to go and do things where and when I want will always be hard. 

I'll make the best of El Paso and who knows maybe I'll even love it- but for now I wish my voice would count. 


Sorry if this sounds a little distracted. Someone is making WOOKIE noises in my office, and I'm not even wearing my wookie vest.


Two weekends ago we went to the Marine Corp Ball. Dear Husband is in the Army now,  but "Once A Marine, Always a Marine"- which means :

1) I get to buy a pretty gown and get pampered
2) He HAS to dance with me
3) I'm allowed to be drunk and crazy, just not THE drunkest or craziest.

It was exactly what I needed because Fort Rucker, etc, is more boring than everyone who actually likes bowling, and the dive bars are stickier than a computer screen 1 minute into pornhub.

Before the ball we went out to dinner with several couples. I applauded myself for being well behaved, engaged, and almost completely nonjudgemental. I did not once roll my eyes and even enjoyed snippets of conversation.

When we got to the ball I was introduced to one of the wives who'd been on the far end of the table. She started off the conversation with "Ohhh so YOU'RE the one who hates military wives!"


Even though she didn't mean it negatively, because she's just as TMI as I am, that wasn't a reputation I exactly wanted to garnish. Not because it matters to Dear Husband's career (Even though people say it does, EFF that.) but because I'd rather be known as the fun, crazy girl and not the crazy bitch.

Then later I met "Jane" - Myself from a few months ago. She lives in San Diego where her boyfriend had been stationed when they started dating, and now she flies down to Pensacola to visit him.

The first thing she told me was how she didn't like military wives and didn't want to be one, etc.

And get this: I was freaking offended. Because I'm a military wife. 

I mean, WTF. Where did that come from?  I've been refusing to be all along and here I am at the Marine Corps Ball playing nice and smiling on Dear Husband's arm and I'm offended.

AHHHHH.  It's happened.

After a few minutes of crazed internal arguments and probably looking insane I remembered how difficult the transition was and still is.  I struggled for months before we even got engaged because I found the idea of being an Army Wife nauseating. The lack of control I'd have in my career, where I'd live, and everyone with babies was enough to make my head reel.

So I told her about all of that, and how now I still have my career (even if it's 3 hours away), and honestly, it's all worth it.

It's sounds gross and goopy but there's few things that make me happier than sitting on the couch with my hubs.

Just don't expect me to get any "Go Army Wife" bumper stickers.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


So far in my personal training studies one of the most valuable things I've learned has been stabilization.

It was something I didn't even think about- whether doing squats, snatches, running, or just naturally falling down a lot because I'm clumsy- stabilization has a big part in how much and how well you can do.

For instance I was doing dumbbell snatches in the gym and I was tired. The dumbbell got almost above my head and then I lost my balance and almost fell over.

It also works the same in running The better stabilization your core has (strength too), the less energy you will use while you run.

I can't always fit in a work out, or I'm just too lazy and unmotivated. However, when I can work out in front of the TV, I find that I don't feel as crappy. Here's some stuff I do in my hotel room and at home- usually during commercials-- and then you won't feel so shitty about that glass of pinot noir you're drinking during the show!

Do these all in HIGH REPS. I like to do 12-15.

I apologize for the bad photos. I originally wanted to take ones of me doing it but with my crazed schedule lately I haven't had time. 


Ball Bridge: Instead of doing a regular bridge, do it on a stability ball. While it's 
harder to do, by increasing the challenge it'll strengthen your posture over all (and also, if
 you do it in a circuit, help burn fat!)

Ball Cobra: This isn't all that difficult but it feels get and when you do it in high reps you'll feel it later. Plus I like to pretend I'm a cobra snake ready to pounce. HIISSSSS! EFF YOU FAT! I WILL POISON AND KILL YOU WITH MY AB VENOM!

Side Plank: Often we forget that our core is more than just the front abs.
 It's glutes and diaphragm and side abs too!


Single Leg Windmill: This shit is hard. It just is.

Reverse knee lunges: This is technically balance "strength" not stabilization but they are great. 
And it gets difficult after awhile. I always find myself thinking really hard about these.

Single Leg Hops: This is balance and power. They are relatively easy 
to do but after a little bit the difficulty adds up.


Ball Push-ups: I am TERRIBLE at these. I tend to let myself drop down and just try to 
push myself up. I'm pretty bad but I'm going to be excited the day I get it right. Don't 
get discouraged if you can't do them, just scale down and try it from your knees. 


Single Leg Overhead press: I just think these are fun because I feel like
 I'm getting some strength in even though the load is light.


Ball Hamstring Curls: You WILL feel this in your butt!

Source: Photos from NASM Essentials of Personal Training Fitness, Fourth Edition revise

Friday, November 15, 2013


After finding out we're PCSing (Permanent Change Of Station, in other words, we're moving you and you don't have a say HAHAHAHA) to Fort Bliss in El Paso, Texas instead of basically anywhere else I spent yesterday in a funk.

Fort Rucker, our current station, is basically the Old Pig's Balls of the country. They are sweaty. Gross. And they don't make bacon. What good are they.

But I stayed focused on the bright shining new station of the future. Hopefully it's that bright because it's in Hawaii or Colorado. BUT WHO KNOWS, ADVENTURE AWAITED!

Instead we're once again getting sent to the middle of no where.

Look. It's not even on a map. It's eclipsed by the city of Juarez, Mexico which is Cartel Land. I hear they have the best Trade School for drug smuggling.

I have every right to be upset right? So I sat around seething and having a pity party all day.

And then I called Grandma.

And then Grandma verbally, and ever so nicely, punched me in the neck for being a pain in the ass.

Now take a look at my Grandma. Sweet, wonderful looking lady right?

This is how I imagined her at the other end though.

And I'll admit. Well deserved.

So Grandma told me to stop being a whiner, and here's why:

When Grandma was about 20 she got married and moved to Okinawa to be with my Papa who was in the Airforce during a time where everyone served. She was there for two and a half years. (Paraphrased)

Me: Well at least you could travel to cool places. Where are the fun weekend trips from EL PASO Grandma, JUAREZ?!

Grandma: I didn't go ANYWHERE.  I was on the island the entire time.

Me: Tokyo is right there compared to everything! If we were in Korea we'd get to go on all sorts of cool vacations!

Grandma: Tokyo was a thousand miles away.

I might add that air travel pretty much didn't happen out there in the 1950s, and to get to Okinawa Grandma took a several week boat ride from Seattle to even get there.

Alright Grandma. Your point.

Me: But there's going to be nothing to do! I won't have a job. If they cared even a little about the wives they'd let me go to Colorado or Germany and I can work!

Grandma: El Paso is a huge city. There are tons of things you can do. I didn't have a job for 2.5 years because there WERN'T any jobs.

Point 2 Grandma

I might also add that Grandma used to keep in contact with Papa's mother by letter. They only were allowed to use the phone a few times during that entire time and it was expensive. To learn Great Grandma Rose's famous meatball and sauce recipe, Great Grandma would write out the recipe and send it. It took three weeks to get there. Grandma would try it, say it didn't taste right and right a letter back, which took three weeks. This went on and on and one for basically the entire trip.

Based on that alone there were a slew of arguments I never dared to bring up.

And it went on like this until I had no argument but to say "BUT I DONT WANT TO GO" to which grandma would tell me to buck up and quit being a wimp, in so many words.

I walked away from the argument with my tail between my legs a bit because I had wanted to extend my pity party, but in the end Grandma is right. El Paso might not be my first choice, but it probably won't be so bad.