Wednesday, November 13, 2013

6 Reasons To Never Wear Pants

Anybody who knows me, knows that I hate pants. When I get home, the first thing I do after walking in the door is to remove them (which, if we have company I didn't know about gets awkward).

Today The Oatmeal posted this photo online. And I realized I am not alone in hating pants. And there is no really good reason for me to wear them (sans being cold, but eff that, I'll move to Aruba. Problem Solved).

Here are my reasons.

1) You can't eat as much as you want. 

 If you decide to eat as much as you want, it's not always appropriate to unbutton them. And of course, there are those times where you did unbutton them, forgot, and your pants fell down anyway.

AND you can't possibly know how good the meal is before hand. If it's great, you can't help but overeat and thus wish you had on spandex or flowy things. If it's awful you could have just worn the pants.

POINT: Never go out to eat wearing pants.

2) Muffin Tops/ Beer Bellies

The best way to avoid muffin tops is pantstinence - abstinence from pants.

POINT: Completely eliminates muffin tops

3) Ruins Everything Romantic

It's not comfy to cuddle and watch movies in pants. You don't even get to really think about cuddles or the movie because you are too busy trying to shift you legs into a good position.

Also- ever go from making out to sexy time, and you've got that awkward few seconds where you are fiddling with buttons and zippers and legs?  And just WHAT if, during those extra few seconds, the person you are about to get silly with has time to change their mind, and then it's over before it even began.

POINT: Life is more romantic and spontaneous without pants

4) When it's Lady Time, pants are a constant reminder it's Lady Time. 

They are always just a little too tight, and letting you know that you are feeling bloated and like a fat ass.

POINT: For exactly 4 days every month, women should never wear pants.

5) Never miss out on fun

How often have you missed out on something awesome because you decided you didn't feel like getting dressed.

Well now you don't need to put on pants. The battle is half over.

POINT: Live a more fulfilled life sans pants.

6) Stay in Shape

Being pantsless is an excellent reason to stay in shape and work on your  booty. America's obesity will go down because everyone will be worried about the shape of their butts and will work out more.

POINT: Obesity is cured do to lack of pants.

Clearly the world is a better place without pants:

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